notes, life, hiroshima

Wed, 1 May 2002 08:49:58 -0700 (PDT)

Dear World,

Mmm, warm laundry. That must be one of the true pleasures in life. Hi everybody! It's been a long time since I've sat down to write a letter. Heck, it's been a long time since I've sat down. I am waiting for the last of my socks to dry in the dryer. And I am going to go and look outside, I think we are about to enter the port of Los Angeles, San Pedro. I think this because it is 5 in the morning and the ship is starting to rock back and forth, which means we are going in a specific direction, not necessarily in the same direction as the current as we usually do, to avoid the waves.

What else? Anyway, I've been super super busy, and coming up soon will be time to breathe, I sincerely hope, as well as time to think, which I miss a lot. There are things that are on my brain, but I haven't had a lot of time to dwell on them and think about them, which I am sad about. Things like life, and the future and plans and friendship and people and society and America and financial planning and so forth.

Where to begin? I guess it would be easiest to say what has been keeping me so busy for so long. I also have a little note that I wrote back in Japan that I wanted to share with you. And I'll think about what it was I wanted to think, and hopefully I'll get back to you on that, probably at a later time.

Busy. As I have told some of you, we were putting on a brand new production show onto the ship. It's called Fascinatin' Rhythm (spell that without looking) and it's based on the music of George and Ira Gershwin. Let's see. As I write this it turns out that I have spend three full weeks day and night thinking about this show and I am actually not dying to talk or dwell on this show any more than necessary. So let me condense.

Lots of you know about Hell week right before a new show is produced, the week before opening night where all the tech elements get put into place. Well, we have had that on and off since Yokohama... when was that? April 10. So about 15 days where I stayed up late helping the light designer do his job, on top of my normal every day duties (and in addition to my immediate manager's every day duties that he likes to 'delegate' to me). I would get up to set up for Yoga at 7am, and then I'd stay up until 1am, or 2am or 3am, doing this like set up, focus, design, or other silly things, busywork. I haven't had any time to myself for two weeks, and in ship life, that's a really long time.

Then, tonight we got to clean the theater top to bottom. US. Coast guard drill, AND there is an external audit by our insurers? Lloyds of London. So not only does everything have to be put away, but it has to be put away neatly, and (the hardest part) LOOK LIKE it actually lives neat and organized on a regular basis. So we did that until about half past two, and then I stayed up to eat instant noodles and do my laundry and while I waited for my laundry I wrote this email.

Well, we put the show on the night of San Francisco, Apr 25th, two days ago. We were going to put it on the night before but sea conditions did not allow for it. And I'll tell you more about my day in SF in a minute. As it turns out, it was all worth it. The premiere of Gershwin was the most train wreck-free premiere I think I have ever done. At least I didn't notice anything. Usually some little thing goes wrong, even though the audience may not notice. But those of us that have seen the show twelve times already do.

It was a spectacular opening. I had forgotten the excitement of putting on a new show, and the drama involved, of last minute tweakings and designs and ironing out the kinks. And it was fun.

Okay. That's all I have to say about the show. Onwards.

Well... gee, there is nothing else that's really happened to me in the last few weeks other than that. Let me try to think.

Went to Honolulu. What the heck did I do? Just wandered a little bit, I think. Did a little mall shopping, a little internet, no phone calls though. :( Didn't get off the ship in Lahaina. Woo, exciting life.

Went to San Francisco. This was nice. And San Francisco, is, of course, the most wonderful port in the world. A thousand times better than the Sydney sail in, which was just a bridge and a building among some rocks. I took a roll of film but regretted it. For SF, we had a sunrise, we had mist and fog, we had clear seas, harbor seals running along and jumping, there was pre dawn lights in the distance, the amazingly fabulous and beautiful Golden Gate, the islands, Muir Woods and Marin Headlands, the skyscrapers of downtown San Francisco and the Bay Bridge, Ghiradelli's square and most important, there were friends and loved ones. I probably took two or three full rolls of film. My little sister and my best friend and my cousin came up to see me.

California, Here I come Right back where I started from Where morning glories bloom in the sun Each morning, at dawning, birdies sing and everything the Sunkist Miss says Don't Be Late That's why I can hardly wait Open up that Golden Gate, California, here I come!

It was a little surreal, I've never been in port in SF, so it was strange to be there for just a day. In a way, familiar faces and situations and it didn't feel like a port, on the other hand, I knew I had to leave soon and it was weird and unfamiliar to feel a little rushed. But it was nice to see them again, I miss home, and I'm sorry to not be there in the loop with all that is going on at home. I feel sometimes like time is suspended while I am on the ship, even though I know that it doesn't stay still outside in the real world. But we had some dim sum, and good chinese food, and afterwards I took it home and we put on the new production show and then I fed the stagehands that were there late working with my snakcs from the city, pork buns and the like. That was cool. My sister also brought me my favorite favorite instant noodles, and also my financial statements.

Who wants to write back and give me a general update on the american/ global economy these days? I'll take any opinion, for what it's worth. I'm in a bubble out here, and while I think it's a good thing to be out of the rat race where every day I follow the stock market, there are other days when I am hungry for information and I miss the daily excitement of the money market. I did actually contribute to my IRA, although I think I missed a little bit--- last year's limit was $3k, wasn't it? What is it for the year 2002? I'll start contributing now. Or wait, maybe I will start when I return home from Europe in August. Yeah, I think I'll do that. Also hopefully next year I can start contributing more to a SEP Ira, although finding out whether or not I qualify has been a minor chore as I struggle to recall everything I learned in my Series 6 classes for finance and securities.

Oh, but I've discovered, partly with the help of my hiring manager who is visiting the ship, that according to one of the rules I can count the number of days that I am out of the US using any twelve months, not necessarily Jan-Dec, and because of this I can qualify for foreign income exclusion for those outside 330 days. So it is very possible that I won't have to pay federal income tax! (Anybody know the State of California's perspective on this?) Pretty cool. (Though if this sets off anyone's alarm bells, let me know your concerns.)

A lot of my money in my accounts -- in fact the total of the money in the IRA, I think, is sitting in cash, because I've been sitting indecisively on what a good long term investment would be. I simply don't have the time or luxury or even ability to change stocks quickly. Ironically I think perhaps the cash is doing better than most of my stocks which I bought in 1999-2000. Pack rat/ ostrich that I am, I haven't sold most of those either. I watched the market plummet on Sept 17th or whenever it was that it reopened and wished ferverently that I had the ability to buy and research stocks. But I was unwilling to buy stocks blindly without the necessary due diligence so I ended up not doing anything.

I guess today in LA I will try to pick up a couple of financial magazines for ideas tomorrow. I'd like to get a couple of stocks from the health care/ medical research industry. The problem is finding one that isn't overvalued now. I wanted the Vanguard Health Care Fund but first I procrastinated and then they closed and then they reopened but the minimum investment was like a cool $15 grand, so, a little bit beyond me. (Not for long though, I'm hoping, but anyway.) I'd also like to invest in an international stock fund, especially now that I look out into the world and see what's out there. Sigh. Which one though? Too many to choose from. This is why I have trouble deciding. I don't have the time to sit and research and decide. So I just wait. I will probably sort this all out when I get home in June.

Anyway. I plan to blow a lot of money on my trip to Europe this year. I've got a few friends lined up that I hope to visit / stay with while we are there, so if anybody else wants to hook me up, we are definitely looking for an adventure. It is so nice to have discretionary income for the first time in my life. I'm trying to remember to save money too, but while I've developed a higher resistance to buying material junk and clothes and such (mostly because of limited space and suitcases), my tolerance for buying comfort food has increased, so I am buying a lot of favorite junk food and other consumables for those late nights that I stay up like today. My list of things to buy tomorrow includes several boxes of Cheez Its.

So. We are heading down to Acapulco, through Panama, and the Carribbean, and we'll stop in Ft. Lauderdale on our way to Southampton, UK, and Kobenhavn (Copenhagen), when I finally come home June 1st.

I am looking forward to the ports, because I am finally going to sleep and work! on things that I've put off for three weeks. And internet time, glorious computer time. I know a great little place in Puntarenas, Costa Rica.

What else has been on my brain? I had a little bit of a thought about the future.

There is something that is very, very persuasive/ seductive about this job, and that is the ease of earning money and vacation time that allows me to go anywhere I want. Along with the travel of places I could not easily afford on my own, especially the variety of travel. Some days I wonder about being challenged and the tedium of the work, but the fringe benefits keep me hanging on. My vacation ideas are filled up for the next couple of years. The one coming up, as I mentioned, is Europe. And since I will spend very little time at home this time, my next vacation will probably be California. Then, after that, next spring's vacation I intend to finally take up my dad's offer and explore some of China with him. Melody reckons that she will do the China thing during her first Christmas break from college. After that, home again, and after that, maybe a U.S. tour. What will that be? Probably late 2003, or early 2004. Someday I want to spend time in Australia, and in Madiera, Portugal, and in Saigon, Vietnam.

Don't be too envious--- I pretty much have to sell my soul for the other 18 months throughout that time. And remember I have no weekends.

I wondered aloud the other day (during one of the crazier days) whether I could be happy on another cruise line where during the creating of a new production I could work "As Much As" (!) 70 hours a week. (In case you don't recall, my typical week is 70 hours. This last month it's been more like 16-18 a day every day. With not a terrible lot of time to myself in between.)

I wonder if that will do bad things for my career later on (the fact that I learned very few new skills and did not grow for so many years) or if I should just stop worrying and enjoy the ride. But selling my soul for the next 18 months means giving up other opportunities and interests-- for example I still want to work for Cirque du Soleil-- but do I want to give up a season in China during the spring/ summer of 2003? Difficult choice.

Anyway that is what I am thinking these days. My final part of this letter is from a few weeks back, I scribbled out some thoughts and a few notes, but I had to contemplate a little more and remember what words I wanted to exactly convey my thoughts, so I haven't had time to think about it and send it out before now. But here it is, and let me re think some of the words, and I shall leave you with this:

A few fast words before I go back to sleep.

We were in Hiroshima today. And we visited the Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum.

To tell you the truth, I've never really visited a museum dedicated to something relating to a war. I haven't seen the Holocaust Museum in Washington DC, or anything else like this.

So the museum had the effect of bringing something on textbook, very close to life and into realistic focus.

Being Chinese, I had a very grim mindset entering the museum, I discovered that I could not let go of many of the atrocities that Japanese soldiers committed during the war, both to Chinese people and to the rest of the world's population. Even though I didn't think as far as "Well, the Japanese people deserved this," my feelings weren't too far off. I could not read many of the sufferings of Hiroshima with an open mind. I read the accounts of atomic bomb coverups and foreign attempts to prevent research, but a nagging voice in the back of my head pointed out that this was the Japanese perspective, that there was more to the story. When I realized this, I attempted to reconsider that, because a closed mind would gain very little from this museum of peace.

The museum was divided into many sections, starting off with the rich history of the city, then its efforts during the war, and then there was a large, large model of the city, two models, in fact, probably over ten feet in diameter each, a circle overlooking the city... the before, and after. The devastation that the bomb caused was incredible, everything was black, and burned, to the ground, a hanging red ball showed where it had detonated above the city.

Later on, the museum brought the horrors of the bomb's effects into vivid and lifelike detail: Life size, wax model figures, showing clothing attached to melted skin. Then a heart wrenching display of twenty or thirty children's personal effects left behind, all victims that succumbed either immediately or the first few days. While that cold, rational, Chinese American part of me noticed that the youngest victims were paraded front and center for maximum 'effect', the human part of me couldn't help feeling sad that, yes, the Japanese did terrible things, but their civilians deserved this no more than the Japanese's victims deserved what happened to them. And that the people on this earth are all capable of terrible, unmentionable things to each other.

To me, it was not really a exhibition of America wrecking havoc upon Japan. Perhaps it was more a study and testimony of humanity's civil war.

Regarding Sadako: Many of you are familiar with the story of Sadako and the Thousand Cranes, or have at least heard of this story. A little girl, she was only about 2 years old when the attack occurred, and did not at first seem to be affected. When she was about 12 years old, she suddenly developed leukemia and rapidly lost weight and became ill and passed away within about a year. But she believed the myth that if you folded a thousand paper origami cranes, you could get any wish, and hers was to live. Even though she folded over 1600 cranes, her wish was not fulfilled. Her classmates helped raise a memorial to Sadako and all other children who were victims of the radiation and there is a very touching children's monument in the park, a child, with her arms raised to the sky, standing on the back of a giant origami crane. Every year people (some individually, others in classes or groups or other such organizations) bring millions and millions of folded paper cranes to this monument. My friend and I left two of our own. There is a significant section of the museum dedicated to Sadako's story.

One must take something else away from Hiroshima though, and that is that the city has rebuilt itself. From nothing, the city has literally rebuilt itself from the ashes like the legendary phoenix. It is a beautiful, quaint little city, our first stop in Japan. And the Peace Memorial Park is among the most beautiful, and serene, that I have seen anywhere. The city has dedicated itself to global peace. Looking at the city, you would never have realized that just over fifty years ago you would have recognized nothing.

Love, hugs, and hope, Debbie